Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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