Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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