The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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