ADVERTISEMENT

• (818): View more from California

  he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.

  Fav 9 1113 1537

  share tweet
  

• (714): View more from California

  dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"

  Fav 39 4231 921

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (760): View more from California

  Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that

  Fav 75 1247 6079

  share tweet
  

• (301): View more from Maryland

  I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Salt in an open wound right now.

  Fav 17 1990 5564

  share tweet
  
• 

  25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (773): View more from Illinois

  That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper

  Fav 3 2111 952

  share tweet
  

• (970): View more from Colorado

  I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons

  Fav 10 1518 2498

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams

  Fav 4 2673 858

  share tweet
  

• (919): View more from North Carolina

  It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it

  Fav 4 1194 760

  share tweet
  

• (434): View more from Virginia

  You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.

  Fav 3 1426 1169

  share tweet
  
• 

  25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (614): View more from Ohio

  I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.

  Fav 8 1438 623

  share tweet
  

• (240): View more from Maryland

  I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.

  Fav 3 484 432

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (760): View more from California

  I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce

  Fav 0 185 83

  share tweet
  

• (402): View more from Nebraska

  I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you

  Fav 1 56 18

  share tweet
  

• (315): View more from New York

  I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.

  Fav 2 29 54

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (219): View more from Indiana

  Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me

  Fav 0 33 3

  share tweet
  

Randomize