i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.