I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
