the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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