I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You dont lie about slip and slides
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
