if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.