you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
