I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me