ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Couch. On fire.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
