So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.