Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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