We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
