I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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