Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
