Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
