I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
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He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
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Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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