i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
