I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
