the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She bit a glass in half.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
