i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
