Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
