I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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