mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
