When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
