he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
