Screwed.edu
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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