I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
