I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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