I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I wish you could order shots online.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He better not be in your backpack
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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