I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
