Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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