would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
