I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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