Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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