You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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