you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
