The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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