im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
