she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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