had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
