phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
