guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
