Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
