haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
