i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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