He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
