if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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