your parents love me but you hate me
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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