yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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