I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
