i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
