i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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