I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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