Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
