so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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