u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Randomize
