he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
how drunk are you?
Several
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
