Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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