Farmville is her only friend.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
After tacos, we're chasing women.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
