Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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