Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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