in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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