I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize