I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
