Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
