he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
