he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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