I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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