Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
