I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Shame - the story of my life.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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