Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
