i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
