i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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