just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
