We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
