Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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