Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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