so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
