wanna go halves on a baby?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
