HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
