My room smells like vodka and shame
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
worst night to have a conscience
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
