I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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