Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
