i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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