His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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