You can't special order awesome
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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