I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
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