do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
