oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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