Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
